Fear the Crown

...or the tiara, really.

Did anyone see the article in the February issue of Parents magazine called "The Power of the Princess"? I couldn't pull it up on their website to link it for you, but I'll share a little of it with you below. It was very thought-provoking.

The title immediately jumped out at me because I've always been pretty intimidated by the overwhelming obsession with princesses in the upcoming generation of children. It's one of the things that scared me most about having a daughter... behind only the teenage years, which it turns out may be strongly influenced by the princess craze. In the back of my mind, I've always felt I would strongly discourage "princesses" as an interest. Not that I would always refuse her or say no to everything, but I definitely wouldn't encourage it or even present it as an option. I just don't generally agree with the foofoo-ness and the message that princess characters provide. But I also know that my daughter is not even two yet and what she will be exposed to starting as early as preschool will much more strongly influence her interests than I can control.

Anyway, this article was written because of a new book that just came out in January called Cinderella Ate My Daughter. LOL :) The book author Peggy Orenstein had a Q&A with Parents writer Pamela Paul. I have requested the book from our library but there are about nine requests ahead of mine. I'm curious to read about what's in store for me as the mother of a girl growing up in the princess culture.

Since the article was pretty brief, I thought I'd share some of it here and get your opinions on the subject. (Questions - in bold - are by Parents author Pamela Paul. Answers below each - in italics - are by book author Peggy Orenstein.)

Do you think our expectations for girls have changed dramatically in the last 20 years?

I think it's become more complex, and that's what's tricky. On the one hand, girls are achieving way beyond what they used to. They're doing great in school, there are more girls on the student council and more women in college, and there's a real, openhearted expectation that girls can and will excel. But at the same time, there's a pressure to define themselves based on how they look, and that's gotten much more intense during the same period.

So it's confusing raising a daughter and trying to figure out, with all this progress as a backdrop, how much of these pink and sparkly things are okay. Is all the bling fine at a young age or not? What does it lead to? We have to wonder what role it plays in girlhood becoming sexualized and commercialized and narcissistic.

What do you mean by narcissistic?

For her seventh birthday, Daisy [the author's daughter] was given a decorate-your-own messenger bag in a box proclaiming, "It's all about me!" You had to iron on decals that said things like "Spoiled" and "Pampered Princess". Daisy said to me, "Mom, isn't it kind of braggy to say that?" I think as parents, we have to fight against really pervasive messages that try to define girls in terms of narcissism and acquisitiveness.

This is the commercial version of girl power and the self-esteem movement. Instead of being about a girl's empowerment and effectiveness in the world, it's actually about her self-absorption and spoiledness.

What is the princess culture teaching girls?

When children are around age 3, they begin exploring their identity as either a boy or a girl with whatever tools the culture gives them. Princesses are a way for girls to assert what's feminine about themselves.

But princesses are also defining girls by telling them that how you look is who you are. And a lot of parents don't emphasize the stories these princesses belong in - often because they don't want their daughters focused on being helpless and trying to land a man. However, the upside to princesses is that the source material isn't all bad. In the traditional fairy tales, many of the princesses are resourceful and clever and humble, and show real strength of character. Unfortunately, when you strip all that away, what you have is bling.

There's also a part about being mindful of where the princess culture is leading young girls: to wanting lip gloss at age 4 or wearing skimpy outfits by age 5. And probably my favorite part in the first paragraph about the author's purpose for writing the book: to discover what we can do to help our daughters who are coming of age today have the best sense of girlhood possible.

I'm sure she's probably a little harsh in some regard, but I agree with her in many aspects too. I can understand the joy of dressing up and using imagination. That's all well and good. But the truth is: fairy tales are just not reality and having an obsession with them just doesn't seem like a healthy sense of what "girlhood" is about. None of us are going to be princesses (unless you're Kate Middleton... and you couldn't pay me enough to sign up for that lifestyle!) and it's not an image I want my daughter to try to identify with. Landing a prince charming is not the sole purpose of life and happily ever after can be what you make it, regardless of how you look or whether a white horse is involved.

So...

What are your thoughts?

Does this culture frighten you?

Do you have advice?