Story Stretchers: Prayer

The family that prays together...

I bought this book for Will & Sophie for Easter this year after reading and loving the text (a prayer) and noticing (a little astonishingly) how similar the children in the story look compared to my own.

Here are some exerpts:

"I know you're up in heaven, God, and can hear my voice from there. I'm just a little child. Will you answer my short prayer?

Whenever I feel really scared and want to hide my head, please help me to be brave and strong and face my fears instead.

And when my heart is very sad, and tears roll down my face, please help me to be happy so a smile can take their place.

Whenever I feel all mixed up, unsure of what to do, please show me what the right path is and help me follow you.

And when I act a little bad, not like I know I should, forgive me, God. Please don't be mad, and help me to be good."

"Whenever I feel all alone, with not a friend in sight, please let me know you're here with me, and everything's all right.

Now if I'm being selfish, God, by asking for too much, I'd like to tell you thank you for a bunch of other stuff....

[leaving out a little]
I don't know what the future holds or what's in store for me. Right now I'm just a little kid and don't know what to be.

[leaving out a little more]

But when I trust in you, my God, and in your plan for me, I know there's nothing in the world that I can't do or be.

So now this little prayer of mine is coming to an end. There's really just one other thing I'd like to ask again. Please love me, God, forevermore. That's all I want. Amen."

Story time before bed has occasionally been a joint thing for both kids as of late. It saves time when we're getting to bed later (ah, summer...) and they like to sit on either side of me in one of their beds and listen together. So this prayer book has been one of our staple reads. They both love it and love that we call the book characters "Will & Sophie".

Following joint story time, they've also been saying prayers together instead of separately.

I know I've written our bedtime prayer here before, but I'll share it again. Will has had it memorized for at least a year and Sophie is really catching on. She's also catching on to "Bless Us, Oh Lord" before meals and she's attempting to mimic our "Sign of the Cross".

Dear Lord,

Thank you for this day.

Thank you for mommy & daddy, Will & Sophie, Brutus & all of our family and friends.

Thank you for our safety, and our health, and our freedom.

Please keep us healthy and safe tomorrow.

Help us to sleep well tonight,

so that we can have a good day tomorrow,

and be good people,

and make good choices.

Amen.

We are not avid church-goers (and I'm not proud of that), but we are teaching our children to have a relationship with God. Craig will often pray with us whenever we're all in the room together.

Following the above prayer, I ask them (or Will asks me) if they (I) have any special prayers for anyone/any thing. We always say special prayers for people when they travel, when it's their birthday, when someone is sick or feeling sad, or for whatever crosses the kids' minds that evening. Sophie doesn't completely understand this but she plays along.

A couple other books we've been including with that prayer book when I read to the kids together are "May There Always Be Sunshine" by Jim Gill and "Someday" by Alison McGhee.

The "May There Always Be Sunshine" book is based on the song by Jim Gill that I've been singing to the kids since they were born. We all LOVE IT and Will has loved filling in what he wants there to "always be" for quite a long time now. That's basically what the song is about: a really sweet tune repeating "May there always be...(fill in the blank)" where kids can say some favorite noun that they want there to "always be". Sophie doesn't get it yet... she ALWAYS says "May there always be Soapy!" :) I highly recommend you listen to the song on Jim's website (link above on his name).

One favorite memory I have involving the kids and this song is when I was singing it to Sophie in her darkened bedroom before bed when she was a newborn. Her door was opened just a crack and Will walked by and heard me singing it and poked his little 2-year-old face in the crack and sang "May there always be 'us'". Totally melted my heart and I gave him a lot of extra hugs and kisses after tucking Sophie in.

I think everyone has read (and cried over) the "Someday" book. Right?

Here's one more I found at the library last week. It's more a collection of prayers - all short and simple - written by various people. We only read it a couple of times, but it was cute.

And here's just two more pics of the kids doing bedtime routine together. They hold hands by choice at so many random times. :)

Somebody Wants What You Have

I read this post while blog hopping today and it was one of those things that stops you dead in your tracks and forces you to soak in every word. I paused in my day to give thanks to God for the life and the family that I've been blessed with. The blog was called The Finer Things In Life but I'm not sure if the writer was actually the author of this? Anyway, maybe you're like me and, from time to time, you appreciate writings that give you perspective in life? I hope this gives you pause as it did me.

At the top of the page, there was an image of some bright green blades of grass with a few dew drops on them and this is what it said:

It's easy to think the grass is always greener in your neighbor's yard. And perhaps it is. At least the part you can see.

But remember:

When you're weary of fixing another meal and doing dishes yet again, somebody wishes they had food to put on the table.

When you've folded and put away a(nother) mountain of laundry, somebody wishes their children had proper coats and hats to wear to school.

When you're groaning over the highest heating bill yet this year, somebody wishes they weren't so cold.

When you're losing sleep and gagging over a child's stomach bug episode, somebody is praying for a miracle over her child's hospital bed.

When the exhaustion and nausea of the first trimester are about to do you in, somebody is weeping (yet again) over a negative pregnancy test.

When your headache intensifies over your teen's college financial paperwork, somebody is visiting the site of her teen's fatal wreck.

When you wake up to another cloudy, rainy day, somebody is praying for moisture to end a season of drought.

When you pick up your husband's dirty socks and take out the trash because he forgot, somebody is wishing that for just a moment she didn't have to do it all alone, all the time.

The next time your situation threatens to steal your joy, try to remember... somebody wants what you have.

Give thanks in all circumstances...

1 Tessalonians 5:18

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The last line {the scripture verse} is my favorite part: Give thanks in all circumstances. God is good and He works in ways we may not understand. In all the trials we face in life, there is a purpose and perhaps a lesson to be learned. A person's true character shines through amidst the challenges and I think it is those that learn to give thanks in all circumstances that are truly the most blessed. Perhaps it is simply because they are able to recognize the gifts they've been given?

Desiderata

Written in the 1920's by Max Ehrmann - a poet and lawyer from Terre Haute, Indiana.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,

and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,

be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;

and listen to others,

even to the dull and the ignorant;

they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;

they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,

you may become vain and bitter,

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;

it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,

for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;

many persons strive for high ideals,

and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.

Especially do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love,

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,

it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of years,

gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,

be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe

no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,

whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations,

in the noisy confusion of life,

keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

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A co-worker shared this with me a couple weeks ago and I have read and re-read it multiple times. The words are so true and sound.

Sometimes I need that reminder to be cheerful. I am still really struggling in my life. Struggling with Craig's depression. Struggling with the lack of communication between my husband and my family. Struggling with changes (and, more often, the lack thereof) in life beyond my control.

The week following my birthday was a really difficult one. Feelings of hopelessness, loss and hurt. I feel like I have lost so much in the last 6+ months. The further we walk this path, the more impossible the repairs to damaged relationships seem to be. And the more difficult it seems to be finding a path that will lead to Craig's happiness. How will we get back to what we once knew? When will this finally come to an end? I imagine that "normal" is out of the question. But perhaps peace? And a new beginning maybe?

The worst news recently was that we have lost our spot with our regular babysitter. I knew it would happen - we haven't sent the kids regularly to her since early November. She was gracious enough to hold our spot for as long as she could and was considerate of all that we were going through. But I can't even begin to tell you how devastated and broken hearted I was the day we found out someone had taken our spot. I cried on and off ALL. DAY. My kids have gone to her since they were 12 weeks old. They love and trust her just as I do. Her home and family were their second home and family. I don't want to find someone else! How do I do that? How do I go to work and be good at my job when I am worried all the time how my kids are doing in the care of someone they don't know? Especially on days when Will's in school and Sophie (my less trusting child) is by herself. It's just not fair. On top of everything else, I now have to find new childcare. And I don't even know when we will need it because I don't know when my husband will be working.

I have sacrificed more than anyone else in this whole ordeal. I have lost my family in the way that we used to be and the ability to share the joy of my children with them. I have lost the husband I thought I knew and in his place is someone who doesn't know how to let go of anger and just be happy. I have lost the ability to get through more than two days without crying. I have lost the caregiver whom my children go to with open arms when Craig and I are at work. I have lost financial security. I have lost relationships that are close to me. And I have lost peace.

But I have not lost my faith.

I know that God is good and that he has a greater plan for me and my family that I may be unaware of.

Please God. I need my family back.

I need the man that you chose for me, whom I love above myself, to find peace in his heart and happiness in the life he was given. I need to be able to share my own little family with the family that raised me. They are as much a part of me as the air I breath and I know that they love and care about us deeply - they refuse to give up on us! With these things, I know I can adjust to any new normal you have planned for us. But I need my complete family.

I don't talk about this often on my blog because I know it is a downer. I know that things will eventually get better and most days I do okay with managing my pain and anguish on my own. Probably the biggest reason I don't talk about it is because my top priority right now is to protect my children. I don't want them to feel the stress that I feel. I don't want them to question the love that everyone has for them, especially Craig and I. And I don't want them to ever feel unsure of the security and stability of our family. Life goes on as normal as far as they're concerned. That's my job as their mother.

So I'm keeping my head up... for them and for Craig. I said a wedding vow to Craig "to hold you when you need to be held... and to always be your safe haven in this life." Just as much as the children do, Craig needs to know that I am by his side in good times and in bad. What I need from Craig though, is to be considerate of my needs and feelings and to strive a little harder for the good times.

We are seeing a counselor on occasion. Not really for a marriage we're afraid of losing, but for advice on how to find our way through this. For guidance on understanding the needs of each other. I have also started running again. Lord knows I hate treadmills. But I love what running does for my mind, body and spirit. I pray A LOT... with my mom and my grandma that God hears our pleas and gives us guidance. And I listen to Christian music on my drive to and from work... which usually makes me cry, but in a good way. ;) Adie Camp and Sanctus Real have been my uplift most days.

I'm here, God. I'm listening and I'm trying to be strong. Tell me what to do.

If you're still reading this lengthy rambling... thank you. Sometimes it just helps to write and express myself. We'll get through this. I have faith.

Do you remember that church that I've mentioned I pass on my way to work in the morning? The one that always has a thoughtful message on their display sign out front? I shared one of those messages here last spring. Well this week, the sign says: Be what you want the world to be. :)

I want the world to be good and happy. And I want to model that for my kids and husband.

NOON Years Eve & Sanctus Real!

We had a NOON Years Eve celebration with the kids again - this time at the Rethman house.

Mya & Stella got so many super fun new toys for Christmas and my kids were perfectly happy playing with all of their stuff. ;) LOL

Oh wow! Sophie fell totally in love with their kitchen! I so wish we had the space for a big piece like this. We'll have to see how the play room pans out in the next couple months... Maybe this could be a birthday present?

I thought it would be fun to make our own pizzas for lunch so I brought over homemade crusts (ready-to-top) and a bunch of toppings all diced up. Problem was, we got to playing and I forgot about the time. So I had to rush a bit to get everything set out for the kids. You can see my sloppy crust fold-over-job on their individual plates: (haha)

A little ham, a little pineapple, a little green pepper...

Sophie just dumped - LOL.

Cheese!

Eating more toppings than what when on her pizza...

Having a cantaloupe appetizer.

They turned out all right!

But none of the kiddos have had much of an appetite lately as colds and sickness have been running their course through both our homes and food intake has plummeted.

At noon (well... around noon), we faked a count down to the New Year and the kids got horns and a small amount of sparkling grape juice (which none of them liked - haha).

Will and Sophie broke out their dance moves to go along with the awesome singing snow man in the window sill. :)

Thanks, Rethman crew for having us over.

Hopefully next year, we'll be free of colds and can plan some more fun activities.

Later in the evening, Craig graciously stayed home with our sick kiddos while Casey, Wes, Amanda and I went to see the amazing Sanctus Real concert from 7-9:30 at Cedar Creek Church. They were incredible - so moving and so inspiring - and I got chills with some of their songs. We arrived at 6 to get seats and there was a huge line winding around the side of the building and looping inside the church entrance! I overheard someone say people were lining up that morning! Thankfully, Wes got us the hook up on free passes and we were able to cut the line and walk right in with the front of the crowd.

I bought their first three albums in a collection for a measly $18 and I LOVE them!

Case & Wes

Amanda & Case

Is it me, or does Amanda look like she's related to us? She looks like our real sister! Love you, girl!

It was such an awesome event. Thanks, Wes!

Opening act.

Sanctus Real!

And I saved my best "concert" pic for last. These guys are so talented!

After the concert, Craig and I flipflopped roles and he went over to our friends house for a brief time before coming home to join me for the ball drop a little before midnight.

It wasn't exactly an evening of romance for my hubby and I, but it was still fun and we were together at midnight. Ah, well.

Happy New Year!!!

Lead Me

Father, give me the strength

To be everything I'm called to be

Oh, Father, show me the way

To lead them

Won't you lead me?

To lead them with strong hands

To stand up when they can't

Don't leave them hungry for love

Chasing things that I could give up.

I'll show them I'm willing to fight

And give them the BEST OF MY LIFE

So we can call this our home

Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone.

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone.

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I get teary every time I hear that song.

{Lead Me by Sanctus Real}

My brother in law, Wes, gave me one of this Christian band's latest albums awhile back featuring this hit song. It is so powerful and so uplifting to me as a mom. I love the entire album, though, and would like to purchase more of their music.

The group is all originally from the Toledo area and I believe I heard they have been Grammy nominated this year! They're touring all over the country, including right nearby at Perrysburg's Cedar Creek Church on NEW YEAR'S EVE!!!

I'm so excited that Wes has the inside scoop on this group (he has one of the drummer's kids in his kindergarten class this year!) because we have arrangements to see the show without having to purchase tickets! I CANNOT wait - it's going to be incredible - and a perfect spiritual message to ring in the new year.

For more info on this group, check out their blog and also the personal blog of one of the band members whose family is struggling with the birth of a son with a rare congenital heart defect.

I also highly recommend purchasing their music. ;)

Have A Little Faith

Warning: this post is a little heavier than my norm.

It's been an up-and-down kind of week and I've really needed some uplifting. So while this post may be a bit of a downer, my reason for writing is to tell you about the power of prayer.

As I've briefly eluded in previous posts, I have been thrown into the middle of a family feud at none of my own doing and I hate what that looks like. It's funny because it's not really an outward drama that everyone knows about or even one that "sounds" all that bad. But it is. At least for me. I feel like my family has fallen apart and a part of who I was is missing. It hurts. And for lack of a better word, it just sucks. I am really trying hard to get on with life like normal and usually I'm successful just because I'm always so busy. But then something will strike a chord in my husband and suddenly it feels like we're falling apart at the seams. Not our marriage, really, just what "normal" life used to look like. He is outraged at what he feels is unjustified and is trying hard to figure out how to move on with his life. He wants to be happy but his bitterness has overtaken him and (in spurts) it shows. I am so sad for him. And for myself, I guess, but I just haven't left room for feelings about myself until recently. Even after a new path begins for Craig, there is still a void where relationships used to be.

I am so torn between my feelings of wanting to reconcile and not let things go on as they are, but at the same time I am angry and sad for my husband. He is scarred from this and it is affecting our family life in many ways. My good, kind, happy, loving husband is now filled with bitterness. That is the worst part of it all. Meanwhile, I just don't know how to cope. I stand by his side no matter what. Beside that being my Godly duty as a wife, it is what I believe is right. But what if there is nothing I can do to help him and things just continue on as they are? Sometimes that feels miserable...

So those things were weighing especially heavy on my mind both Tuesday night and Wednesday morning. We'd had an argument about finances Tuesday night because we'd had a small weekend getaway planned for our anniversary this month and Craig was panicking about affording it. We've been getting by comfortably so far, but frivolous spending is never a good idea when a previously dependable income is missing. Well we cancelled the weekend and are looking at other ways of cutting back. So from there, it branched off into lots of other little things that seem magnified when stress levels are high. Did I mention he was bitter?

Ugh. I have cried so much over all this. I try to keep it together, but all someone has to do is ask me how I'm doing and I just break down. I cried in front of my babysitter Wednesday morning. I cried in front of my co-workers a couple weeks ago. I cried on the phone to my grandma. I have had chest pains and stomach aches and difficulty sleeping.

But I have also prayed. A lot. I've prayed especially hard for guidance on what to do, what to think and how to feel. Isn't that crazy that I don't know how to think and feel about something? I've prayed for Craig to help him feel peace and forgiveness, or at least peace and strength. And my family has prayed too. (I know I'm not the only one feeling pain in my family.)

Well, He listened. God hasn't magically fixed anything yet, but He's guided me to "hold on tight" and hopefully open some lines of communication. On Wednesday, I was feeling very down on my way into work and wondering what kind of message I might receive in answer to my prayers. I really didn't have high expectations and wasn't even feeling very hopeful. But God responded to me in three ways that day: with perspective, advice and a little humor. :)

The messages came in the form of three different patients I saw that day and each time I just knew what I was supposed to learn from them.

The first was pretty early in the morning. She seemed distressed and anxious and confessed to me a pretty sad and difficult situation that she was going through right now. It was very hard for her and she was struggling with how to cope. We talked for awhile, and as soon as she walked out of my office, I just looked up and said "Wow. Okay... perspective. Thank you for showing me that what I am dealing with is minor compared to others." At least I know that my children are safe and my family are all alive and well.

The second was very intense. She walked in with her young daughter and we began the appointment as usual. But then she moved her glasses to wipe a tear and said "You'll have to forgive me. I'm having kind of a rough day." Well, I was pretty much on the verge of tears all day so my heart went out to her and told her that I feel her pain and my day was much the same. She was a single mother with two other grown children whom she'd struggled to raise and provide for on her own. They were treating her disrespectfully and she was feeling very hurt and unappreciated. She also had other people (extended family and friends) that were leaning on her to take care of them and she was just finding it hard to be enough for everyone. I don't know why, but I found myself confiding in her. I told her my husband had lost his job and I felt like my family was falling apart. And together we both got teary and emotional. Not like all out weeping, but feeling each other's pain. Then suddenly, she turned into the strong and confident person that I could see she must have been for her family and friends and that's why they lean on her. She looked me straight in the eye and her focus never wavered as she just told me to pray with my husband. She didn't know me or the details of my life, but she certainly seemed to as she told me to "Just downsize... scale back... [talking about having things in life and the cost of living]. Nothing else matters like family. You are a married woman. You have children. You love your husband and he loves you and you need to hold tight to that and just pray together. That's all we can do is just put it in God's hands and pray." I just felt so strongly that this was my message. That I needed to have faith and just pray. I have always felt that things happen for a reason. I believe that we will come through this stronger, but I just don't know how to get there. I'm no longer interested in who was right or wrong. That solves nothing. I want to find peace and reconciliation in our family. I want us to be happy... even in a simpler life.

So that was my advice message. I feel like I should call that lady and just thank her for being exactly what I needed that day.

And the third part came from a 7 or 8 year old boy who'd come into the appointment with his mom and was telling me all about his "talents". He could do standing back flips and, according to his mom, do them off walls and trees, etc! I was impressed and told him so. He said "Ya. I have lots of talents. I can also make some pretty cool beats. When I grow up, I'm going to be a beat boxer. Do you want to hear it?" Of course I said yes and he proceeded to beat box in my office for a minute or two! :) And he was GOOD! I just smiled and laughed and told him I thought he was awesome. I really needed that light-hearted, happy kid to make me smile.

I have a book called The Power of the Praying Wife. I've read it through at least twice, but it's been awhile. It's all about praying for your husband and every aspect of his life. I'm going to get that out and read it again. And I'm going to keep praying for something or someone to bring peace back into our family. Maybe it's got to be me. Maybe I need to work harder at opening the lines of communication. But I just don't know the right way to do that. No matter what, I'm going to "hold tight" to my family and the man that I married and leave it in God's hands.

If you pray, please pray for our family.

Dear Lord...

This is our prayer before bed: (Will does it almost entirely on his own)

Dear Lord,

Thank you for this day.

Thank you for mommy, and thank you for daddy, and thank you for Will, and thank you for Sophie, and thank you for Brutus, and thank you for all of our family and friends. [This used to be "God Bless mommy and daddy..." etc... but Will changed it to "Thank you for..."]

Thank you for our safety and our health and our freedom.

Please keep us healthy and safe tomorrow.

Help us to sleep well tonight so we can have a good day and be good people tomorrow.

Amen.

We also say "Bless us, oh Lord" before meals and occasionally say special prayers for certain people and circumstances as needed.