A Letter to Will

Dear Will,

Your first "week" of school has been a success!  It's really only been two school days, but what a nice ease into this big new experience!  As I expected, you took it all in stride with such a calm, cool confidence that I admire so much in you.  You're fearless!  And just so at ease with new things. 

All summer long, you've been asking me if you're going to go to Kindergarten this week and announcing to everyone that "this fall, you would be in Kindergarten".  You knew you would be riding a school bus with a couple of boys you look up to and getting to go to that big, beautiful, new school that our district has prepared for our elementary school students.  We've reviewed classroom and school bus rules and talked about how much longer and fuller your days are going to be at this level.  We've visited your new playground many times on weekends and excitedly opened each envelope that's come in the mail with your name on it and the school's return address.  We learned your new teacher (Mrs. Mullen) and scanned through your class list to find a couple other students you know.  (Oh, also, you were so psyched when Mrs. Mullen mailed you a postcard saying she couldn't wait to meet you.)  You helped me shop for Crayola Crayons and glue sticks, a school box and other classroom supplies.  We prepared and prepared as much as we possibly could and your excitement continued to build.  You took multiple phone calls from our family members wishing you good luck and asking how your first day went.  And we had quite the entourage to see you off for your first ride on the school bus. 

On the night before Kindergarten, we read The Kissing Hand and Bread and Jam for Frances - two of our faves.  We practiced the hand sign for "I love you" and said we were going to sign it to each other when you climbed on the bus.  I prayed with you and tucked you into bed and you could hardly fall asleep.  You came out of your room repeatedly for no reason at all, simply because you were excited.  I busied myself with preparing waffle batter for breakfast, packing your first "real" school lunch, and preparing the meal we would have for dinner the next night in an effort to save all my free moments the next evening to hear about your big day when you arrived home from school.  I really didn't think I was feeling emotional about this big step for you until I was standing at the counter chopping onions and garlic for spaghetti sauce and suddenly, I was sobbing.  Uncontrollably.  It was so unexpected and it just hit me!  It's so cliche - I know - but I was having flashbacks of so many moments of your life that lead us to now: 

Rocking you in the glider while trying to get us to figure out breastfeeding.  Putting you in the sling and making our big walk out to the mailbox each day of my maternity leave - something I weirdly looked forward to, if only to get out of the house for a minute.  Putting your bare, baby feet in the grass at the end of summer just for you to feel that sensation between your toes.  Blowing raspberries on your belly and watching you reach for me with a big smile.  Scooping you up the time you fell down a few stairs and crying over my poor parenting skills and that goose egg on your forehead.  The many mornings we spent sitting on the bench on our front porch, cuddled under a blanket and reading books while the sun rose in the morning sky.  Your super serious and observant personality that you carried with you for the first three-ish years of your life and the oh-so-obvious learning you were doing as you watched the world around you.  Saying goodbye on your first morning of preschool and not knowing how to feel about the ease with which you let go of my hand.  Snuggling with you on so many nights and whispering how big we love each other  - some of my best moments ever with you.  And, just this year, letting go of the seat of your bike to run beside you as you found your balance and told me it felt like you were flying.

It's a funny thing, being a mom.  You pour your whole self into raising a child, sacrificing so much, giving more than you ever knew you could, and loving bigger than you ever thought possible.  You're needed and depended on and co-captain of your family's ship as you try to build for your child a foundation to stand on and a life filled with love and discipline and faith and opportunity.  And then... you have to let go.  Of course, this is only Kindergarten and I know you'll be coming home each night and recounting your day, sitting at our dinner table and sleeping in the bed we have prepared for you.  You'll be a part of our family just as you always have and none of the normal to-do will change about our life.  But you will be different.  All of a sudden.  And I know this.  You will have friends we don't know and experiences we didn't witness and learn lessons we didn't teach you.  You will interact with kids that are bigger than you and start to learn the influence of peers and expectations of being a kid in your generation.  You might have a really great moment that we're not present to celebrate or you might have a really tough moment that we're not present to encourage you through.  There will be a whole other world for you to fit into that we're not a part of and that's so hard to realize and to accept.  So even though it's a small step in letting go of you, it feels really big... because it's the biggest step you've ever taken from us. 

I went in to hug you again since I knew you were still awake and I cried some more with you in my arms.  How much longer till you're too big for my lap?  You don't understand how someone can cry without really being sad or upset and yet you recognize my overwhelming emotion with an obvious worry.  Sounding ever so poetic, you say to me "but mommy, no matter how much the days go by, I'll still love you"... and then you search my face to see if that was the right thing to say.  Are you really just five?  How do you know what I need to hear?  I sob some more and assure you that I'm not sad.  Really.  I'm just amazed that you have gotten to this age so quickly and I wish I could hold onto you forever.  Does that make sense?  But that's not what I want either.  Because you are far too awesome to not keep growing and show the world all that you will be.  I hugged you some more and once again tucked you in for the umpteenth time to go finish prepping our dinner so you could get the rest that you'd need for this big day ahead of you.

This new phase... I know it's a good thing and I know you're in good hands.  The teachers and staff at your school are people we know and trust.  They're part of the community we've grown up in and love, and they will look after you and guide you.  Mrs. Mullen seems to be such a perfect fit for you.  I sensed it right away on the night of open house.  She is experienced and warm with a (really) firm hand shake and a calm, welcoming presence.  I can tell you will like her and she will engage you with ease... while still keeping you in line.  ;)

I thought about writing this letter after finishing up in the kitchen on Tuesday night, but I was drained from my emotional melt down and knew I should get to bed to be rested the next day.  You were up early and dressed before I came down to make breakfast and you were so excited.  Your sister took forEVER as usual to finish her plate but we made it to the bus stop in plenty of time... after a ton of pictures, of course.  (Sorry.  That's probably never gonna' stop.  But I'll try not to embarrass you when the time comes that you find me uncool.)  You did the whole bus thing with ease.  Not a nervous bone in your body!  And then daddy and I sprinted to the car for me to drop him off at home before following the bus to meet you at school and walk you to your classroom.  As luck would have it, I had a low tire pressure warning as soon as we got in the car and I had to have my pit crew pump me up at warp speed.  (Thanks, Craig!)  Somehow, I beat the bus to school and waited a short time on the sidewalk for your bus to arrive and pull up to unload.  I am astounded at how organized the whole process was, with staff ready and waiting to escort the new Kindergartners to their hallway and walkie talkies in hand when I arrived in a rush and inquired about your bus.  Mrs. Murphy, your awesome principal, quickly radioed the driver and assured me that I hadn't missed you after all.  I watched you get off and slip your backpack over your shoulders and you just looked so BIG!  Yet you still took my hand and let me walk you into the building.  I imagine this may be the only year that that's allowed.  :(

I got teased by one of the younger teachers I know that "Will brought the paparazzi with him".  Yep.  No denying it as I snapped a pic of you walking down the hallway.  Haha!  But then we greeted your teacher at the doorway to your classroom and SHE suggested you pose for a picture with her.  Love her!  She also followed that up with a gentle encouragement to say goodbye to mommy and I hugged you once more and then you were off!  Into the classroom and ready to start your day as though you've done it a hundred times before.  I thanked Mrs. Mullen and turned to leave.  Surprisingly, I felt okay.  You are so fine with all of this.  Why shouldn't I be too?

My work day was extra short as I arrived late and left early to be at the bus stop when you got home for the first time too.  I thought about you all day and wished I could be a fly on the wall in your classroom and just see how it all happens.  You were exhausted by the time you got home (as I expected) and didn't quite give me the play-by-play I was hoping for, but little bits of your day came out in spurts as you made it through the evening in an almost zombie-like state.  Sheesh!  This adjustment to no nap is going to take a little getting used to, I think!

Day two (Friday) went just as well and I already know this is going to be a great year for you.  I'm so excited for all the things you will get to do and learn!  I ask a million questions each day and you'll probably get sick of it, but you haven't let on as much yet.  You're happy!  And proud of your new status, too.  ;)  You're in KINDERGARTEN, Will!!!  What a big milestone!  And no matter how suddenly you seem to grow up and change this year, we will love the new you all the more.  Just be yourself... and you'll be great.  Have fun, my love!

Love, Mom

We've "Bean" Good!

We tried a new behavior reward idea from Family Fun this Easter season.

One month before Easter, we began placing a dry bean in a mason jar for every good deed we caught the kids doing. The kids get to transfer the bean themselves from the bowl to the jar for their good behavior.
Here are some good deeds the kids earned a bean or two for:
*picking up toys
*eating a meal without complaining (sadly, that's uncommon)
*putting coats and shoes away
*complimenting/cheering up a family member
*getting a good report from the babysitter/teacher
*feeding the dog
*helping set the table
*"making" their bed (pulling up and straightening covers)
*just listening in general without having to be told twice
etc.

It might not look like much - in hindsight, we should have used a smaller collection jar - but each one of those beans represents some good behavior in the last month and that add ups to a LOT!
And on Easter Sunday, when the bunny comes to hide our eggs and baskets, he's going to trade in each one of those dry beans for JELLY BEANS! The kids cannot wait!

Oh, also...
I'm loving this little corner of my dining room:
Aren't these eggs so cute? I got them last year from Etsy.

Flashback Friday: The Glider

Don't laugh.

I'm totally doing this.

A farewell post to my favorite piece of baby furniture. ;)

I don't actually have a million pictures of me sitting in it with the kids but I did take a bunch of just them throughout the past four years. Despite the lack of pictures of myself in this chair, this is where my hiney got very comfortable for many, many, many hours as I became a mother. Nursing and rocking and reading and soothing and chatting and just being with my children.

I can close my eyes and remember happily sitting in this glider with my first big, pregnant belly... hand propped on top of my unborn baby... just dreaming of what it would all be like and how we would get to know each other.

Then I can remember that first morning after our first night at home. Nursing still wasn't going well for Will & I, and I was scared. I can remember looking at the little lambie clock on the side table and it reading 6:25 in the morning as I desperately tried to latch my sleepy baby on for a feeding. I called my dad because I just needed to talk to someone and he was the only one I knew would be up at that hour. I remember a little while later trying again to get him latched and trying to maneuver this crazy position that my aunt suggested to help him learn... and Will just looking completely revolted by my efforts and me feeling so defeated and terrified.

Months later after we'd figured it all out and he was happily nursing for 30-45 minutes whenever I'd let him, I used to take him fresh from the tub, wrapped in a towel with a cloth diaper under his hiney and we'd snuggle there while he got some "naked butt time". (I always called it that because I hated the idea of having a delicate bottom constantly sitting in a diaper.)

Many a nights, I'd stumble sleepily down the stairs when I heard him wake over the monitor and we'd settle in for a middle-of-the-night feeding and I would inevitably fall asleep and wake up an hour later with a very sore neck. ;)

My mom used to stop by to see Will for no reason other than to snuggle him and they'd sit in the glider and she'd read him a book.

On the night stand beside the glider, you could always find a book that I was currently reading because Will used to nurse for so long and I had no other children to tend to but him. I miss that opportunity that I had to just sit and relax, read and nurse and rock.

As will reached his first birthday, he was already in love with books. He'd often sit in the glider by himself just browsing for impressively long periods of time.

And then when my belly got too big with my second pregnancy for him to sit facing out in my lap, we started to have him turn to face me and basically straddle my belly while we read books every evening.

When we transitioned Will to the big boy bed in a different room, we of course left the nursery set up and just changed it a bit for a newborn again. Our bedtime routine then became books and rocking in the nursery and then carried to his room across the hall for a couple songs and then tuck in.

When Sophie arrived, our time spent in the glider was considerably more brief than it was with Will. She nursed very quickly and when she finished, I had to pop up and be available to both kids. I can vividly remember Will walking in the moment I sat down to feed her and asking "hold you?" EVERY TIME. So I was often reading picture books and entertaining a toddler while my new baby nursed.

Lots and lots of rocking took place at bedtime as I struggled to get her to sleep in those early months.

No more of MY books beside the glider this time. She was too fast. Will needed me and might also run off with said book if left within his reach. And later she was too distracted by every little thing - we often sat in a dimly lit room while rocking and holding hands so that she could focus on the task at hand. :)

Quite a few more memories of rocking and reading and nursing with my girl since she stayed in that room with the chair for quite awhile longer than he did.

Rocking is such a soothing motion and the most natural instinct for a mother to do when calming, settling or just snuggling her baby. I couldn't have done it without this chair and I love all the memories we made here. Thank you, Grandma, for making this investment for us!

{February 2007 - sitting in the chair we were about to purchase while registering at Babies R Us.}

{April 2007 - Preparing the nursery.}
{October 2007 - 4 1/2 month old Will.}

{June 2008 - 1 year old Will.}

{February 2009 - his last month in his nursery room.}

{April 2009 - 4 day old Sophia.}

{April 2009 - 6 day old Sophia nursing in the background with 22 month old Will just up from a nap. He hadn't had his first haircut yet and he always used to sweat so much when he slept!}

{May 2009 - the beginning of my progressive sibling pictures in the glider - Will at 23 months, Sophia at almost 1 month.}

{May 2009 - just a few days later.}

{June 2009 - 2 month old Sophie with Nana.}

{July 4th, 2009 - 2 1/2 months and 2 years, 1 month old. Look at how much chubbier Will was at age 2! Just like Sophie is now. Now, Will is [as my friend Kelly referred to her son of a similar age] a string bean! :)}

{August 2009 - 4 months and 2 years, 2 months.}

{August 2009 - 4 months old.}

{September 2009 - 5 months and 2 years, 3 months old.}

{Halloween night 2009 - nursing Sophie after trick-or-treating with Will.}

{December 2009 - 2 1/2 years and almost 8 months.}

{June 2010 - 13 1/2 months - very much the climber.}

{September 2010 - 16 1/2 months and 3 years, 3 months.}

{November 2010 - 18 1/2 months and 3 years, 5 months old.}

{November 2010 - nearly 19 months - bedtime with daddy.}

{January 2011 - 20 months.}

{February 2011 - more story time.}

{February 2011 - reading with "Miss Hollywood".}

{June 2011 - rocking Sophie before bed - and dozing off myself.}

{July 2011 - one last picture of both kids and I, sitting in the glider we've grown up in just before moving it out of the nursery. So bittersweet - look how they've grown!}

Ya, I know. I'm a little overly sentimental. But I didn't cry! Not even when I rocked Sophie for the last time in the chair on Saturday night...

I'm totally tough. :)

Goodbye, chair...

Mother's Day Weekend

I had such a lovely Mother's Day weekend.

The weather was beyond gorgeous. The days were filled with relaxation and just laid back family time - most of it outdoors. And I spent Saturday evening with my mom and sister. Couldn't ask for a better weekend!

The only downfall was my quickly declining state of health from about nap time to bed time on Sunday. I still enjoyed the day, but by bed time, I was feeling awful... and that persisted for the next few days. I'm still on the mend, actually. These sinus things usually last for a couple weeks, it seems.

Back to the lovely weekend...

On Friday, when I picked the kids up from our sitter's, they had a gift for me that Lisa helped them make that week. An ocean-scene, paper weight with "fish" made of the kids' thumb prints! Isn't that cute? :) I love it! And it looks so pretty in my kitchen window with the light coming through it.

Saturday morning - making breakfast in my pj's. Sophie has been doing this leg-hugging thing to me a lot lately and I secretly love it. :) So Will is just mimicking her and Craig snapped a picture.

Saturday we spent the day outside: playing in the dandelions across the street, taking a bike ride, playing in the yard. In the afternoon, Will and I ran to the library to exchange books and then we made tacos for dinner that night.

Then in the evening, after the kids went to bed, I headed over for a little girl time with MY mommy.

It was wonderful.

A little of this...

a little of this...

(that's a hot pepper jelly over cream cheese with crackers, by the way)

some of these...

while we played this...

an exchange of these...

and an application of this to my toes, which haven't seen color since last summer!

Kickin' up these...

while we watched almost 14 minutes of this (until pausing it to talk about something and never pressing play again)...

Oh, and Casey was there and kicking back with us too. She just hates feet and refused to be a part of our feet pictures.

We talked and talked and talked... and drank wine. ;) No face time with the camera for mom or I because we were looking comfy rather than cute for our evening at home. Casey looked cute because she just came from dinner with her in-laws. Way to make us feel bad, Case. New rule for girls' night: no looking hot unless we're going somewhere. Got it? I think I went home somewhere between 1 and 2 a.m. feeling very fulfilled and soul-nourished with girl time. I have the best mom and sister ever!

Sunday morning, I slept in and Craig brought me breakfast. We went to Schedel's as I had hoped and the weather was sooooo gorgeous! (Pictures coming soon!) The kids got down for a late nap and Craig and I washed (and he waxed) both our cars. The kids have been AMAZING nappers on weekends for the past month or so! At least three hours for both of them every single weekend day. One day recently, it was four hours for Will and almost four for Sophie! And they're still sleeping normally at night. I think with all the colds going around and how active they are, their little bodies just need that lately. And I am so appreciative!

Also on Mother's Day, I made myself a little vase full of paper lilies with this idea from Family Fun. I just traced the kids hands on white card stock for the petals and made the flowers later while they slept. We have a giant bag of multi-colored straws for our smoothies, so I had everything I needed on hand.

Now I have a beautiful Mother's Day display in my kitchen window that makes me happy every time I see it.

This is, by far, my favorite hand print craft we've ever done. Aren't they so cute? They're going to stay up for A LONG time, I think. :)

Craig brought me the tulips from a family member's house (not sure whose?).

And I got some of the nicest cards this year!!! Thank you for making me feel so special, mom and Casey and Stella!

After nap time, Craig took Will to go visit his mom for awhile, while Sophie put on her apron and helped me make Lemon Chicken and Asparagus Pasta for dinner.

We also made a pan of Fruit & Chocolate Dream Bars with apricot preserves and dark chocolate chips. Yum! I've already posted both of these recipes on my dinner posts in the past, but I'll repost them when I get around to writing last week's dinner post. ;)

The recipe calls for a 9" square baker, but I make them in a 13x9 because they are soooo rich and I like these bars a little thinner for that reason.

After dinner and bath, the kids got to bed and Craig and I sat down to watch a movie together. I have been SO in the mood for movies lately!

My prayers were many this weekend for all the blessings in my life. I am a very lucky mommy and I don't take that for granted!