A Birthday Letter to Sophia

Dear Sophia, my sweet baby girl,

Today you are TWO!! And I'm just wondering how I got so lucky...

This will be the first letter I've written to you and I almost don't know where to begin. My feelings for you are so, so BIG and I'm struggling for words great enough to express them. You are sleeping as I type this and so far we are having a wonderful day together. There is no where else I'd rather be than right here with you, enjoying your special day. I sat down to begin this letter after laying you down for nap and, though I would have liked to keep you up till the exact moment you turned two, your heavy eyelids requested otherwise. It's hard work playing so much! But don't think I wasn't daydreaming of you at exactly 1:21 pm. I silently blew you kisses through your bedroom door. ;)

The day you were born began much like today - a steady drizzle coming down in the morning and then overcast until the afternoon. I remember because I wanted to walk outside after we arrived at the hospital when I sensed my contractions had slowed on the drive there. But your daddy encouraged me to at least walk indoors. So I paced the lobby while the rain fell and swayed through the contractions and prayed for my body to bring you safely into this world... soon. And, oh my goodness, what a gift you were! Big and beautiful with a strong set of lungs! I love to reminisce on that day and think of how far we've come.

As I thought about what I wanted to say in this letter, I let my mind drift on all the things I love about you... the things that make you YOU! Your electric smiles, the charming tilts of your head and neck when you're being silly and sort of flirty, the way you run up to me and yell "mommy!" when we've been apart for awhile, the way you squint your left eye and scrunch your left check sometimes when you chew, the frequent higher pitch in your voice that makes you sound as sweet as can be, the way you put an empty cup on top your head in the bath tub and announce "party hat!", your musical laugh, etc. etc. Having you as part of our family is like getting to live with the sunshine inside our house!

I frequently get asked by people who don't see you that often, "Is she always this happy?" And I can proudly answer, "Yes!" Aside from a few typical, toddler tantrums when you're tired or hungry... you are always happy. And it's often contagious. Just like that book "Keep Love In Your Heart Little One" says: "You live as though life's one huge present, unwrapping a bit every day. That's just how we all should be living, my love, and look at you showing the way!" People will be drawn to you (as they already are) because of your happy smile, your sweet voice and your cheerful attitude. And I pray you use those traits to do good in this world and set an example for others.

When I was pregnant with you, I spent my days working and chasing after your brother (a toddler at the time). I was often tired, especially at the beginning and end of my pregnancy, and I worried that the time was flying by and wondered how I would manage to be a good enough mother to both of my children. After those long days in the life I already knew, I looked forward to lying down in bed at night and focusing on just you and me and all that we were experiencing together. I wanted to connect with you as I did Will, but I really had to slow down and press the pause button to make that happen the second time around. I'd put one hand on my belly and the other on my heart, and just breathe deeply and focus on you. I prayed for you and asked God to make you strong and healthy. I talked (silently) to you and shared my thoughts with you. And I let myself feel excited over the anticipation of having a girl! Even now, the idea that I have a daughter is often surreal to me!

I wonder now if all my worrying during pregnancy led to your often timid personality. You seem much more fearful than your brother at times (though not of physical challenges - there you are fearless), mostly with people and new experiences and being alone. And I often have to convince you that you are safe. Don't be afraid, Sophia! You are a strong and capable little girl and you have much to learn and a long, long while before the time will come for you to set out on your own in this great big world. Until then, I promise you I will keep you safe... and even then, I will always be looking out for you. You are never alone, Sophia. You have so many family members that love and support you, too.

Anyway, after you were born, we had some learning to do - you and me - to find our rhythm and for me to earn your trust. But seeing you blossom as you did back then was one of the proudest times of my life. And now, I look at you when you're focused on something or when you're talking sweetly to the ones you love and I just think, "Wow! That's my daughter!" And I can't believe we made you! You amaze me, baby girl, and the pride and love I have for you overwhelms me at times.

You continue to surprise me all the time with what you know and what you're capable of. Right now, you are doing so well on the big potty. You're learning shapes and colors. You have an eye for sequencing things and can count to 12 now on your own. You love puzzles and books, running and climbing, swinging and singing. Your attempted rounds of "ABC's" are getting better and better. Daddy makes you laugh when he tickles you, tosses you in the air, and airplanes you above his feet. You look up to your big brother immensely and try to mimic his every move. Together, you and I share one of our favorite times of the day: reading stories in your chair before bed and then turning lights out and rocking you with your head on my shoulder. I have a feeling I might be like that mother in the story "I'll Love You Forever"... who always sneaks in to rock her baby, no matter how grown up he is. You will always be my baby and I will always cherish the times that I can hold you close to my heart.

I've been thinking a lot about what I wish for you...

I pray you cross paths with truly good and kind people in life that will help lead you in a positive direction. People that will cherish your spirit as I do and encourage you to always let it shine. It is probably what I think about the most.

I pray that you will follow Christ and trust in His plan for you. For, certainly, He must have great intentions for as bright a star as He made you.

I pray that you are happy in life! That you feel strength and confidence from the foundation our family has built for you, and that you love and respect yourself as much as we do. You are LOVED! I want you to really know that.

And I especially want you to know that no matter where you go or what you do, I will be here for you. Not just sometimes and not just when you succeed and shine, but always. Always. When you fail, come to me. I will remind you that you can try again. When you fall down, come to me and I will pick you up. When you are hurting, come to me. I will hold you close and listen as you talk. I want to be your rock, just as my mom is for me. And I want you to always know you have someone to turn to.

I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always.

As long as I'm living,

my baby you'll be.

Happy Birthday, Sophia!

Love,

Mom