Nostalgia

Well... April has arrived. And you know what that means? Our daughter, our baby... is going to turn one year old this month. We are at such a comfortable and joyful place in our life right now and I wouldn't change that for anything... but I can't help but feel a bit of nostalgia as we count down the days till her first birthday. I imagine most moms feel this as their child nears the close of their first year. It's hard to believe how fast the time has gone and I just keep remembering where we were at this time last year. I plan to write a "year in review" post around Sophie's birthday. But even before that I'm remembering fondly those weeks before her arrival when we were just three.

For most of March 2009, we were packing in all sorts of activities to do with Will and as a couple before our life was, once again, changed. Craig and I planned several date nights to spend some one on one time together. And we took Will on various mini adventures to enjoy our final time with just one child.
I remember feeling so worried for Will. He was my sweet, little boy and he had all of my attention. How would he feel once he had to share my time? More than anything else, I made myself so anxious and sick just thinking about how he might feel forgotten and maybe a little less loved. You may remember my "Emotional Confession" post from March of last year (p.s. I'm sorry I'm so terrible with links - I really need to try and figure those out) and that "Loving Two" poem a friend shared with me. I remember wondering how I could ever love another baby as I did Will. In my heart I knew I just would, but in my head I was anxious. And now, when I read that poem again and remember my feelings back then, it makes me so happy to see how very true those words were. Will and Sophie have bonded and do love and enjoy each other. And my love for them is "as different as they are, but equally strong". It's an incredible thing, being a mom. And I am constantly in awe of how much my heart has grown and how much love I have for both of them.

This was late March of last year.

Also, late March of last year, my "barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen" pose. :)

My 38 week belly. I was looking so forward to the end of the pregnancy and meeting our daughter, and yet I wanted to hold on to things the way they were for just a little bit longer and relish my final days of my last pregnancy.

39 weeks and my last day of work (though I was unaware of that at the time). This was a Friday and I went to bed that Sunday night with a slight intuition that things would be happening soon.

A couple pictures from the hospital that I'm pretty sure I've never posted...

Here's my sexy-self in my hospital gown and sporty slip-on shoes... quite fashionable, don't you think? I was feeling very strong upon arrival despite my contractions being 2-5 minutes apart and dilated to 4cm (likely because my water hadn't broken yet). I was up and walking around the room for most of the beginning.

Craig snapped this during a contraction. With his help I achieved the natural birth that I was so determined to have again. As I mentioned last year, Sophie's birth was the hardest thing I have ever done... and also the biggest high of my life when it was over. I cannot explain how on top of the world I felt when she came out: relief! pride! love! awe! It was incredible and I remember feeling so in love with everyone in the room at that moment. :)

Oh! You should have heard those lungs in action on her birth day! Sophie was born hungry and took to breastfeeding immediately (which was all the reward I needed for my labor). I thought Sophie looked just like her brother in those first days. She weighed 8#14.5oz and 20" long.

I don't wish for those days back. I'm so happy where we are now and proud of how far we've come. But it's bittersweet, you know? I held my newborn niece this week and couldn't believe how tiny she was and how long ago that seemed for me! Sometimes it feels like my kids have been in my life forever and I can't imagine it without them, and other times I think back on their first days (with crystal clear memories) and wonder how we'd gotten to today so quickly! It just goes so fast and I want to savor every moment. This blog is such a blessing for me. I make a point to document my thoughts and feelings at times like this so that I will remember them always.

This is one of my very favorite pictures of Sophia when she was just two weeks old and holding her head up so strong.

So just 18 days to go now, and I'm just reminiscing while I count them down.